Wednesday, March 23, 2005

So much for being Mr. Cynical

You know, here I was, playing myself off as such a cynical character, and then I make a shattering discovery about myself.

In the course of a discussion, I realized that I still believe in the basic goodness of human nature.

CRAP! I think people try to do the right thing, by themselves, by their family, by their country, by some crazy idea that helps them make sense of the world. I think most people are just trying to DO RIGHT! WHAT? NO! I'm reading World War II history! I'm taking a class in postcolonial literature! People repeatedly, consistently, over and over and over again, dick each other over and brutalize each other for senseless reasons! And yet I'm still an idealist. Still I maintain some shred of optimism about the basic drive and nature of humanity.

I don't know whether to laugh and sing a song or to say to myself "You. Make. Me. SICK."

Sigh. I was so close to pessimism and the cozy bliss of indifference. Oh well.


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