But...poetry?
"I'm pretty disgusted with both parties right now: the Republicans for what they stand for and the Democrats for what they don't." - Jan Schneider, on The Colbert Report. Sounds about right. Fuck those guys.
Anyway! Poems! Pomes! Let's do it!
*
Water Fountain
I wasn’t expecting much from you.
The kisses of your sisters had been
lukewarm at best and,
sometimes,
bitter.
But when I bent my head to you,
unthinking,
you were sweet
And cold. The taste of you was
perfect.
I drank deeply and was satisfied.
*
Short and to the point? Or does it need something more? Let me know.
Now, a repeat! Revised!
*
Two short poems linked by theme
or
I am a misanthrope in the morning
There are some people who have sacred places
Churches, bedrooms, the desert
At night,
Their cars and their music.
There is no place that is sacred
To me.
I seek refuge opportunistically.
I look for places that are sacred
just for the moment
That I need them.
And the rest of the time,
I just imagine places
That I’d rather be.
---
The most sacred place
To me
Is whatever place
Is farthest away
From you.
*
Might need a little something. Hit me back. I have four more poems to revise for Thursday! And I have to put them in a book! Ahahahahaha, fuck.
posted by Arthur Mundane @ 7:05 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
I actually liked this one better, before. And you need a bridge between the first part and the last 3 lines.
It's almost like you are referencing a person who took away your capacity to have a normal sacred space, and thus, wherever that person isn't is sacred.
Perhaps you could start out by, instead of talking about what other people's sacred spaces are, what your sacred spaces used to be, then the opportunistic part, then, something like,
...these days... and then the last 3 lines.
To be honest, there isn't any connection between the two parts. The first simply relates how I feel about places, and the second relates how I feel about people. Or how I felt on that morning at least.
I think your interpretation is interesting though, and - unlike you - I keep my revisions, so I'll take that into consideration.
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